If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
