put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize