based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
