Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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