Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
