He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
