Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
