I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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