i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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