They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
