I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they need to just BURY HIM!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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