i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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