my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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