don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
