You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
