She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
