Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
