Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
