i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
