Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
