it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize