yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
