I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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