he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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