you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
