So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
