I just pynch a tree in the face
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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