The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize