um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize