If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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