I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
