Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
