Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
