nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
