Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
