I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
