You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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