Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
