i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
