chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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