in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
