were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
