Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
