Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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