Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
