I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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