There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
