member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
