K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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