I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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