Me. At least after what I've been through.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
