I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize