i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
