remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
