i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
