dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
