Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize