I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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