you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
