Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
