woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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