Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize