Plan B is the new Plan A
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
