Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
