guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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